How Running Saved My Life…

It was 2020. And life was very much being dictated by COVID protocols: social distancing, staying at home, masks, working from home, etc. Both my summer races had been canceled due to COVID. And on top of all that, I was battling a foot issue that I couldn’t figure out and it was really impacting my running. It was all getting heavy.

Now, my whole life I have battled anxiety, minor depression, insecurities, self-worth struggles. And the weight of everything I was dealing with in 2020 was only adding fuel to the fire. In short, I was a mess.

As I had done many times before, I once again turned to alcohol to numb it all.

Before we continue this story, I want to fill in some details of my past for you. So, here is a quick-ish glimpse…

I grew up in Elk River, MN, a suburb of the Twin Cities. A decent size city with a very small town feel. In fact, to this day, it’s rare for me to go out in public and not run into someone that says “I know your dad!” or “I know your grandparents!” Truly a wonderful place to grow up.

My parents are the most wonderful, amazing humans I have ever been blessed to know. And it is not lost on me how lucky I am that they are my parents. They raised me and my 3 siblings in a very loving, supportive and grace-filled home. We were all involved in athletics and the arts and always encouraged to pursue what we loved and to follow our dreams and passions. And we also grew up supporting each other. I have the most wonderful siblings I could have ever asked for.

So far we have: great community, great family, great home life.

But the older I got, the more and more I would find myself paralyzed by fear and worry. Unsure of myself. Battling image issues and negative self-talk. AND. It was the 90’s and the early 2000’s, so of course we didn’t talk about it. (By “we” I mean society). So I would “toughen up”, stuff the negative feelings as far down as I could and put a smile on my face. All the while feeling like there was definitely something really wrong with me.

Sports became my saving grace. My outlet.

I played volleyball, basketball, softball and ran track in my middle school/high school years. And I went on to play volleyball in college. And all of those years of sports gave me a healthy outlet and a place to belong. It also gave me my first experiences and tastes of running. Often my off-season workouts included 2 to 3 mile runs, which always left me feeling energized and refreshed.

But before I knew it, it was 2004 and I was done with college sports. And I had no idea what to do with all the emotional baggage I had been hauling with me all these years. (Bright side, though! We finally starting talking about anxiety; and by “we” I mean society.)

Alright, let’s recap what we know so far:

1. I am dealing with lots of mental health “stuff” and have no idea what to do with any of the feelings I have
2. I have a great family and am loved well
3. I love sports –they’ve been my outlet; but my competitive years are done
4. I had a small sampling of short distance running that I had enjoyed

Up to this point, by the grace of God, I have NEVER used any chemicals or alcohol. And I’m 21 years old. Sports and Jesus had kept me away from that road. So far. But in the winter of 2004 that would begin to change.

I had recently gotten a job (my first “real” job) working retail. I absolutely loved my job and the people I worked with. But I was surrounded by excessive drinking every time we ever hung out. I was often times the only one not drinking. Which is hard when you’re 21. So I finally decided, what the heck, it’s legal, just give it a try. Besides, it seemed like everyone else was always having way more fun than me.

Winter of 2004, in my apartment by myself, I tried my first sip of alcohol. Real talk: I was instantly addicted to the feeling of “not feeling”.

What I didn’t know, what I wouldn’t learn for almost 20 years, was that alcohol was only stealing joy from tomorrow. It was a fake or false dopamine rush that would eventually start to disable my bodies own ability to produce natural dopamine. That it only made my anxiety worse by increasing cortisol in my body (stress hormone).

From 2004 to 2022 I would go through peaks and valleys in my drinking. I would go through periods where I could moderate, periods of no alcohol (even as long as a year of no drinking), and periods of extreme drinking.

Now, if you recall, I had gotten a taste of running through my high school and college days. And after college I would still lean into that as a way to stay in shape. I had no idea how life changing that would be. How life SAVING that would be.

Through my peaks and valleys with drinking, I would always find my way back to running. And in turn, running would keep me from drinking too much.

I started running half marathons in 2012 and ran my first marathon in 2014 at Disney World! From 2014 to 2019 I was able to moderate my drinking for the most part, unless life got really stressful. Running helped me manage a lot of my stress, but when life got busy and I couldn’t run, I would feel the stress build up and I would turn to drinking. Over the course of those 5 years, I slowly started noticing that where running had once brought me immense joy, it no longer was. It was starting to feel like a chore. And would leave me feeling exhausted, not recharged. I didn’t know it at the time but my body was losing its ability to produce its own dopamine at this point, or at least it wasn’t able to produce as much. False dopamine from alcohol had tricked my brain/body into thinking it was there when it wasn’t. Which started sucking the joy out of everything in life that once use to fill my cup.

Ok, so fast-forward back to 2020: I was a mess and I was now in what would be the deepest of valleys in my struggles with alcohol. I was being forced to isolate, most days I couldn’t run due to injury, and even when I could it left me feeling exhausted, and I still didn’t know what to do with my anxiety/mental health “yuck”.

By 2021 I had gained nearly 20 pounds from my drinking and lack of exercise. I hated my body. I was stressed out to the max and “on edge” all the time. I couldn’t control my emotions. I was a loose cannon. I couldn’t sleep well at night. And I started wondering… “Is this alcohol that is supposed to be helping me ‘relax and unwind’ really doing that?”

After months of fear and worry about what I was doing to myself and many sleepless nights spent reading and researching the actual effects of alcohol, I knew I needed to take my life back. But I was terrified. I had quite literally become so addicted to “not feeling” and endlessly chasing the feeling of “not feeling”. How would I do this? How could I go through a day, a week, a month without drinking? What about my anxiety? How will I unwind? The questions were endless… and swirling. Consuming. But even so, I knew I had to do this.

January 30^th of 2022 I ripped the Band-Aid off. I had one drink that night. And when it was gone I looked at my husband and said, “If I don’t stop drinking alcohol I’m going to die. This is it. I’m done. It can’t be in the house. I can’t be around it. And I need your help to make sure I don’t ever drink again.”

Shortly after, I started finding some solutions for my injury issues in my feet. I was able to start getting back into some running. But it would probably be 18 months before I would start to experience the immense joy from running that I used to experience. And by 2024 I was once again filling my calendar with races and events; setting goals and working towards PR’s.

The runners high was back!

As I’ve become further and further removed from my alcohol struggles, I’m learning more and more how to sit with my feelings and know that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to feel uncomfortable. It’s ok to experience negative feelings. And it’s ok to not like them. I’ve learned that I don’t need alcohol. I need to move my body. I need fresh air. I need community (praise God for the running community!). I need to take a walk. I need to pray. I need to worship. I could go on and on…but I think you get the idea.

I’ve also learned to look at that injury in 2020/2021 and be thankful. Because it truly was a blessing in disguise. If I would have tried to exercise heavily with the amount of alcohol I was consuming, I don’t know that my body, my heart, could have taken it. So when frustrating situations occur now, I’ve learned to ask, “Why is this happening FOR me?” I’ve learned to look for silver linings.

I’m now (as of January 30^th, 2026) 4 YEARS SOBER! 4 Years FREE from alcohol. I’m a completely changed person from who I was just 4 short years ago. Physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it.

And running gave me my life back. And continues to every single day I put the shoes on.

In 2025 I complete 3 full marathons, set a new marathon PR, completed 4 half marathons, ran a total of 1,551 miles (also a PR!).

All together I have completed 18 full marathons and 22 half marathons.

In 2025 I also launched my own sober coaching business: Set Free Sobriety, a Christ centered coaching program and community for women who are ready to live a life set free from the bondage of alcohol.

I did not go through a coach or program. I got sober cold-turkey. And zero out of ten I would NOT recommend that route. It was so hard. We are not meant to fight alone. We are meant to lean into community and fight together. Which is why I created Set Free Sobriety. Because I know there are thousands of women (and men) out there who are finding themselves right where I was. They’re lost and scared and don’t know where to turn.

It actually parallels a runner’s journey. 20 mile runs alone are often much more challenging than 26.2 mile runs with friends. Because we are not meant to fight alone. Community, encouragement, support… it gives us energy. It carries us. It sustains us even when we feel like we can’t take another step.

If you’re a sober runner reading this or have a desire to be sober, please reach out! There’s strength in numbers and community. And it would be my absolute honor to meet you! And if there’s anything I can do to help support or encourage you on your journey, I would be so happy to do so.

I’m honored to be a 2026 Grambassador and so excited to toe the line with you all in June!

Here’s to many happy and sober miles in 2026!